My wife Amy and I went to a Chinese New Year party recently. Our friends had requested our birth date before we got there and when we arrived we were given a name tag with our zodiac sign.

What I learned at this party (held by friends who studied acupuncture in China) is that the Chinese Zodiac is a 12-year cycle - each year of the cycle is named after one of the original 12 animals.

Each animal has a different personality and different characteristics. The animal is believed to be the main factor in each person’s life that gives them their traits, success and happiness in their lifetime. (I also learned that bringing oranges to a New Year party is a good thing).

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While reading an explanation of the characteristics associated with my sign, Amy suddenly said out loud “you hate small talk!” I laughed because I didn’t realize it was that obvious but she was right.

It’s not that I hate it really; I’m just not that good at it. But if I’m engaged in a conversation with someone and we’re connecting on a human level I’ll be the last person to leave the party.

I’ve found that if you ask the right questions with sincerity and a sometimes a sense of humor, you can cut through the small talk and start making a real connection. For example, I decided a while ago never to ask someone what they do – instead I’ll ask what they do to get their adrenalin moving.

My wife likes to ask about favorite vacation spots, and it’s not just a conversation starter, she really is interested.

At Eliza, we’ve long believed in speaking with people in ways that show that we truly are interested in what they have to say – whatever the topic at hand.

Start a conversation that lets someone show a little of their spark…and you may be surprised at what you find out.